404: pain not found. Medium: ink on black Paper
Copyright ©️ 2024 Paul J Morehead, all rights reserved
Since returning from India I feel it piling up. The responsibilities, so many tasks & duties yet all I desire is nature… To be back on the road… Under a sky of immeasurable darkness… Fire at sunset… Walking the woods barefoot at dawn… To be in the thick of a land steeped in soul…
I note a kind of numbing out in the busyness, a pit of nothing I fall into. It can’t be true, I’m used to feeling things intensely. I’m searching for pain, but it’s not there… but maybe I’m not going all the way down?
If I slow down and feel it all, will I come back? Will I, the thing I call myself return? What lies beneath even my questioning? My body is used to protecting, against an onslaught of energetic violence that I’ve felt since I was little.
I’m so lucky… crazy fortunate, really… I have tools, friends, people who care about me. Maybe this weight I feel is a kind of special training. A soul gym where I get to learn to work out the causal muscles. And remind myself that rest, sleep, going easy on myself is the only way to build…
Whenever I try and understand, or look too far ahead, or can’t find the answer it’s a game of patience, inquiry into the body. I am listening… At least that much I know.
I dive and dive again,
and sometimes, sparks of joy, laughter, ease,
being alive is a constant reminder,
that pain isn’t the only placeholder for growth.
“This was written for that someone finds solace in not feeling so alone. There are tools and teachings to reconnect and rekindle relationships with self and others. You are loved. Even when you can feel it.”